Some progress of a pilgrim...

Potholes

2011-02-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

Potholes. Glasgow is riddle with them. I feel like I am on an adventure off-road driving challenge just getting to work, less than a mile away.

The weather has taken it's toll on the roads in town. Snow, gritting, snow ploughs, ice, flooding have all increased the size of potholes anywhere where there are roads.

As I was battling to dodge holes today, I reflected on how potholes appear in our lives and if we don't get the maintenance team out quick, they get bigger and have the potential to require a bigger resurfacing exercise and also cause damage to others as they fall in.

We should make that phonecall for help getting our own potholes filled in, before it becomes a major re-roading that's required...

NEW year 2011

2011-01-02T07:59:00.000-08:00

So the bucket list was just to make me remember there are things to prepare for this year and beyond. That it is good to keep dreaming and good to realise that there are new challenges to be faced at the turning of the year. But really living is not just about doing, but about being, it's about being the person that actions dreams and not just being a dreamer that counts for me. It's about believing they are possible, even if everyone thinks not and even if they have been done a million times by other people. It's about being connected to the people and land of a place that makes a dream come true.

Happy dreaming. Happy being in 2011.

Bucket List

2011-01-02T07:51:00.000-08:00

1. Climb Ben Lomond.
2. Climb Mt Kilimanjaro.
3. Sail "doon the watter" on the Waverly.
4. Make a scrapbook.
5. Visit Russia.
6. Do the Sound of Music tour in Austria.

More to be added later...

It's almost time to go home...

2010-05-20T05:33:00.000-07:00

This year was set to be something different and now as I reach the end of it I realise I am something different. It's difficult to say how I have changed, but I know I have. There have been times of deep, dark soul searching and times of going with the flow. I have adventured with an open heart and mind and am returning home ready for the next adventure.

So what am I taking home with me? The knowledge that, with God, all things are possible. That something old and broken can be made into a new thing. That even when it gets dark, God can shelter me under wings of protection. That however far from home you go, you are never really far from home.

It has been a time of listening, of much silence, a time of rest and revival. For all the space that I have had to reconnect with where I came from - I say thank you.

Getting to the finish line - 5k 10th April 2010

2010-04-18T07:13:00.000-07:00

Here are the runners, me, Brenna, Becca and Anne. All first time runners except me, who was returning to the track...slowly.
Brenna "three biscuits" transformed into Brenna 33.01mins for her very first 5km!! Great achievement!!

It was a lovely run in L iberty State Par k, New Jersey. We ran with views of Manhattan, the Statue of Liberty and a gorgeous sunny morning along the Hudson River. Perfect.
I had run 5ks before and I knew I wasn't ready for this one. I was in the grumpiest of moods and as the announcer reminded people who were not six minute milers to get away from the front lines, I moved as far back as I could go. I met a man who explained that he didn't think he even drove a six minute mile! I had barely crossed the start line and I was all for just turning around and heading back to the car. Just at that point this woman came up behind me with some encouraging words. So I decided I would run up to her and run with her to keep me going.

Her name is Jackie and we got each other through the race. I watched those who were at the front of the race run past us as they looped back to the finish line. None of them looked happy, they all looked like they would do anything to be first and I realised that those of us at the back were glad just to have turned up and would be even happier to cross the finish line. So Jackie and I set each other small goals and stuck with it. We built a little community for the race and exchanged words of encouragement as we went. Just when one of us thought we could go no further, the other one would pull us on.

At one point I exclaimed that the back of the race is where Jesus would be, then turned to her and said "for all I know, you could be Jesus!" And for that morning she was. She was the gentle encouraging voice, the supporting voice that valued me and not my achievements, and she was running with me, so I was not running alone. Sounds like Jesus to me.

Spring...

2010-03-28T15:29:00.000-07:00

There is so much to blog about in these past few months on my return to Princeton. The most exciting thing is the bulbs that were planted in October are bursting through the dark soil and into the light - which signifies spring is here. I have been warned that New Jersey can have snow in April, so not to pack away my winter stuff yet, but the days are lighter and I feel in sync with that. Funny how life marches to the beat of the earth's drum. I feel like things that were planted in me and have sat in the darkness are now coming to light and new things will blossom in time.

Checkpoint 300

2010-01-10T07:30:00.001-08:00

Checkpoint 300 is the name given to the checkpoint at the entrance to Bethlehem. Everyone who wishes to enter must show their legal papers - for foreigners their passport - for locals their ID cards which state whether they are Palestinian or Israeli. A simple ID is not enough to go in and out of their town - permits are required to go specific places. Some people have special permits - like "religious worker" that allows them to attend work at their Christians place of work.

Having been in and out of Bethlehem all week, since it is in walking distance of our accommodation - each experience was pretty similar. I was largely ignored, as an obvious foreigner, and in some cases did not even get my passport out of my bag. The times of day I had been in and out were quiet and there was rarely more than a handful of other people in the building. Today, as we were leaving Bethlehem, after having lunch with friends, there was a long queue of people waiting to get out of the checkpoint. The line moved slowly and unpredictably sometimes allowing a few people through and sometimes no movement for a while. What had previously taken 5 minutes from start to finish took us 50 minutes. This is still fast for the many Palestinians who wait sometimes hours and sometimes are not allowed through at all.

In order to leave Bethlehem on foot first you walk up a fenced walkway, along the side of the 8 metre wall (twice the height of the Berlin wall) and then through a 2 metre turnstile. At this point you are caged in from all sides, another turnstile ahead, controlled by the duty soldier or security officer. Then walking across an enclosure, which I can only liken to a prison exercise ground, you enter another enclosed walkway that takes you into a large shed.

Inside the large shed it is not particularly clear where you should go, but the crowds suggest you should stand in line. A zig-zag line stops people from pushing in too much and allows for only one person width of the line. It reminded me of how animals are channeled when they are waiting for things, so they can't kick or move any way but forward. The next full height turnstile has a green and red light above it and it will only turn when the light shows green. Often only one person will be allowed through at a time, forcing families to be separated. Beyond this, there is an x-ray machine where all your possession much be placed for inspection - very similar to airport security. Next you walk through a metal detector which is set so sensitively it goes off with every person who goes through it. At a whim those on duty can search anyone they like. This is rarely anyone but Palestinians.

Only one more check to go, where if you are foreign you wave your passport and walk through another turnstile. If you are Palestinian your hand gets scanned (again similar technology as is used in prisons like Barlinnie in Glasgow - the highest security prison in Scotland) and your papers are inspected. At any of these points Palestinians may be sent back.

One last prison like walkway and you are out of the West Bank and officially in Israel. One Palestinian said to us earlier in the week "You can taste the free air", when she got through the checkpoint.

MachsomWatch

2010-01-09T12:00:00.001-08:00

Our group had a visit from a member of MachsomWatch. Our guest was a volunteer for an Israeli activist organisation that maintains a presence at the checkpoints to try and prevent violations of human rights for the Palestinians who use them daily to get to their work, hospitals and places of education. The three aims of the group are:

to protest the very existence of the checkpoints and barricades, which hamper the daily life of Palestinians in the Occupied Territories
to monitor, observe and document the conduct of the security forces (IDF soldiers, Border Police and Israel Police) at the checkpoints and barriers.
to intervene, when possible, in order to protect the human rights of Palestinians who try to pass through the checkpoints.

Our guest spoke with passion about how the establishment with power is always insensitive to those who are powerless and they are trying to be a voice against the oppressive behaviour of their government. The volunteers simply alert the soldiers to a differing viewpoint "I see a tired man going to work. You (the soldiers on duty at the checkpoint) see a terrorist."

There is recognition that those serving on the checkpoints have been raised to believe that they are helping keep their country secure. For those born in Israel they have no concept beyond they are serving their country and doing all they can to keep it secure from being taken from them. Many of the MachsomWatch volunteers have immigrated to Israel from other places of conflict and so understand the need to not watch another society crumble from violent, oppressive behaviour. Will it be too late when that generation is gone and no one has a memory beyond the status quo?

Many Israelis suffer from cognitive dissonance. They love their country, but hate what their country stands for. This puts many Israelis in a difficult position where they have to choose whether to alienate themselves from their friends and family in order to stand up for justice, by doing something like these brave volunteers are doing. They do this not only for the Palestinians who have their human rights violated daily, but for those who serve in the Israeli army.

"To explain that it's really complex, that Israel needs to be made to understand that it can't oppress people forever. It's not anti-Semitic, it's not anti-Israel - it's just the opposite. It's so unhealthy, so much alcoholism and violence...murders in Israel...I am convinced it is to do with the occupation. You can't have a spirit like that. Being in the army affects everything."

This brave woman, with a face that held a many songs and stories and much sorrow, was asked what gave her hope for the future. With pain in her face she told us that she did not hold much hope, but the hope she did have was that "the world will help to understand that a solution must be found."

www.machsomwatch.org

Wi'am

2010-01-09T11:46:00.000-08:00

While some of our group explored the Church of the Nativity, a couple of us explored the market places around Bethlehem. I was struck by the desperation some people would go to in order to make some money. We were in search of some freshly squeezed juice and after refusing to pay a high price of 7 shekels, we found someone who would give us orange juice for 5 shekels. Sitting down in the backroom of his stall, we realised that he did not sell orange juice at all. Instead he sent someone out to buy oranges from a neighbouring stall and squeezed them himself! Very enterprising we thought!

We were the only tourists in the market place. The mounds of fresh fruit and vegetables were all for local people. Some of the stalls were clearly selling second or maybe third hand shoes. There were empty areas, that would have previously held vendors, but now they lie empty because the economy is so bad.

After exploring the markets, we were reunited with our group and made out way to Wi'am. This project works on education the local youth in reconciliation, in the hope that the next generation can hold the key to a better way of communicating non-violence. Wi'am offers many programmes to support the young people of Bethlehem - including specialist programmes for children, young people and women. Wi'am have a new base from which to deliver their work - right next to the wall that separates the West Bank from Israel. They have high hopes to raise money to develop their site to hold a play area for children and a fully functioning conference centre.

Having visited this project in 2006, it was good to see some positive changes for their organisation and to see our group clearly gain a lot from the experience of hearing Wi'am's story. If you want to know more about Wi'am - here is their website http://www.alaslah.org/.

Orthodox Christmas

2010-01-09T11:28:00.000-08:00

January 6th was the Orthodox Christmas and this is normally a big celebration in Bethlehem - particularly at the Church of the Nativity in Manger Square. We arrived to see the Patriarchs of the Orthodox Churches, as they led the processions from Manger Square around the town. Standing in Manger Square it felt deserted. Where were all the people?

It turned out that the Greek Orthodox Patriarch had leased and sold some of their land between Bethlehem and Jerusalem for use by the Israelis and as a sign of their discontent many had decided to boycott the Christmas celebrations. This was a painful decision for what symbolises the central image of this town. Even our taxi driver explained to us that he was not happy with the Patriarch and some people put up banners saying "The Holy Land is not for sale or lease" and "The Patriarch has damaged relationships with our Greek neighbours".

What must it feel like to discover that your church has started selling and leasing land to those who are keeping you prisoner and destroying your business? From whence does their hope come then? You have to choose to absent yourself from the most special holiday of the town, in a life which already has most celebrations dented in some way because of the illegal occupation. Who is going to speak out to change this? Who is going to stop other churches from feeling pressured into taking similar decisions?

On the road again...

2010-01-06T06:59:00.000-08:00

I was barely off the plane in Tel Aviv when I was pulled out of the crowd by one of the security people at the airport who were waiting at the end of the gangway to the aeroplane. Due to having a cold my hearing had gone from one ear and it was difficult to communicate - especially with little sleep. Although she had never heard of Tantur (which is hardly my responsibility) I was sent on my way to head through immigration. Happily it was only about 20 minutes between landing and collecting my luggage all in all - which was better than it could have been.

I waited for my fellow student to arrive from his flight and then we boarded the shuttle to Tantur. We were most likely the only non-Jews on the shuttle and subsequently we went around many of the Israeli settlements to return people to their homes. It was a chilling moment when I realised one of the previous trips I had made to where a settlement was proposed with a billboard saying "Luxury Apartments" was where we were dropping someone off. These illegal settlements are built on Palestinian land and drain water resources from the Palestinian villages. When settlements are talked about it always sounds temporary and makeshift and to see the luxury apartments, some with swimming pools and signs to "carwash" - when there is a drought on - is quite sickening.

After a good rest, the next morning the three of us who had arrived early headed in to Jerusalem on the bus. First it was interesting working out the differences between the Arab and Israeli buses - the difference in price and the difference in atmosphere on the buses. Not by design, but by circumstance we boarded an Egged bus, which is the Israeli company. The bus was quiet, people didn't seem to really acknowledge anyone else on it and over the speakers played traditional Jewish music - violin, telling a sad tale of the Jewish past. There was no escaping the fact that even the bus journey reinforced the Jewish story for all on board.

An errand needed running that took us to the Jewish parts of Jerusalem that I had never spent much time in. We discovered that almost every shop window had things that told the Jewish story there too - it is truly embedded in everything. People walked about freely, seemingly without a care in the world.

On returning to Tantur we caught the Arab bus. A much smaller bus, that held possibly 16 and this time the local Arabic radio station was playing. There was much more conversation on the little bus - which was noisier than the double length Egged bus we had been on earlier that day. The bus drove up to the check point to Bethlehem and there was not enough room for everyone on the bus. Many just had to wait for the next one to come along.

The majority of our group joined us by lunchtime and a small delegation decided to go to Bethlehem since it was so close. We walked along the road to the checkpoint and made our way through the cattleshed-like building. There seemed to be endless turnstiles, narrow walkways and fences alongside the enormous apartheid wall. There was little concern at us walking through. We were obviously foreigners and tourists at that and we were practically ignored. I noticed some Palestinians who were trying to leave Bethlehem we not getting the same treatment. They were being ignored yes, but not allowed to pass through the checkpoint. I have no idea how long they might have been waiting or waited after we left.

There was great excitement at the taxi rank when we got through the checkpoint. The taxi drivers were jumping at the chance to charge us 4 times the usual taxi fee to take us to the Church of the Nativity! This is not only because they want to rip off tourists, but because they are desparate for money enough to do what they can to feed their families. Aware of all of this we didn't really mind being ripped off, but we were a bit more savvy for our return journey!

The taxi driver, not only content with having overcharged us stopped on the way to try and entice us to a tour of some of the other places around Bethlehem. We we refused, he said he would at least take us to his family's shop and hope that we would buy some of the hand carved olive wood goods there. This man would not take no for an answer and eventually, we had to send the group onwards, so we were no longer such an attractive prospect before he would allow us to pay for the taxi. Needless to say we looks for a better deal on the way back!

There were few people inside the Church of the Nativity. January is always a quiet month, but the only people there were probably in Bethlehem for the Orthodox Christmas which is today. More on that later...

The most frightening, yet amusing, night in Princeton yet...

2009-12-05T09:51:00.000-08:00

There was one puppy left from the www.doggyinthewindow.wordpress.com litter. Just one lonely little Zoe. And there was a man, a lovely man, who loves puppies, but doesn't have one. So we thought we should bring together these two creatures - made for each other.

A little bit giddier than should have been permitted two cars rolled into the drive of the mansion house that is home to the lovely man. One person immediately bails at high speed into the darkness of night, unable to be part of the posse that ring that bell. Door bell rung. No one answers. One more time the bell rings and no one answers. All a little bit relieved, we return to the two parked cars. Only one set of car keys are clearly locked inside one of the cars.

Halarity ceases.

Suddenly it's just cold and dark and we are trapped in the driveway of the mansion house.

The driveway belongs to the president of our seminary.

With Jesus giggling, the other car troops back to the home of the puppy and locked car owner. We pray in the darkness that she left her front door unlocked. (Who does that?) We pray that they don't pick up the spare keys to her roommates car. We pray with every passing car that they will not turn into the drive and we will be found clutching puppy in the bright light of headlamps in our faces. We pray no one is inside the mansion house calling the police. The thirty minutes that pass seem like a life sentence in jail.

Then the headlights are coming towards us.

We have nowhere to run.

No hiding place for a locked car.

So we face the oncoming headlights, waiting for Christ to come again.

And he comes in the form of our friends with the spare set of keys. We load ourselves in the cars and make a hasty retreat.

Only we see his office lights are on and we have come this far...

His assistant tries to fob us off, saying now is probably not a good time, but we insist we have just come to sing Christmas carols to the president. We wait a short time and he emerges from this building.

We hold forth the puppy and their eyes meet. The normally crazy puppy has a moment of calm as she meets the reason for her existence. With both hands he handles the puppy and looks her straight in the eyes and for a minute we have all vanished from his world. It is just him and the puppy. The most endearing Christmas card picture ever - the Christmas wreaths on the front door, the light from the street lamps and the president locked in a world with a chihuahua.

Sad this story comes to a halt, with no new home for the puppy. "I'd love to take her , but, you know, she would complicate my life immensely."

Poor puppy.

Poor puppyless president.

What are you thankful for?

2009-11-16T11:54:00.001-08:00

So another year has gone by since Thanksgiving..nearly, so I thought it about time that we put in our minds what we are thankful for. If you are reading this, that means you. This turkey gave it's life for people to be thankful - so tell me what you are full of thanks for.

Sunny days
Rainy days
Deadlines met
Food for mealtimes
A roof over my head
Turning 30
Friends sharing time together
Packages (brown papered ones, tied up with string)
Mary Poppins
Visitors to Princeton : Carmen, Ma and Pa, David, Amy
Montreal weekend
Moosie
Skype
The Liger and the ITor
Escape days
A day on the east coast
A snail on my wall
Kate the Librarian
Afternoons/evenings drinking tea
Lazy Sundays in the garden
White chocolate and raspberry tart

Keep adding to the list

Getting dirty...

2009-11-04T20:18:00.000-08:00

I got my knees all muddy. Had dirt under my finger nails and made a mess in the sink with mud when I came home. Today I volunteered to help in a local garden planting some bulbs for the spring. I picked a slightly easier job than most, not fighting with tree roots whilst planting irises and some other pretty tall pink flower. Then I joined the merry gang who were fighting with the tree to plant some daffodils and tulips. I think the others had some kind of landscaping effect going on, however I deliberately mixed up the white daffodils with pink tips with the tulips, so the section I was working on with have a grand surprise, even if the person planting them thought they were landscaping!

It was so nice to be working on something that I had a small input into, that I can go away and forget and then be surprised when something beautiful outwith my control occurs in the world. I am looking forward to spring.

Autumn Days/Liger on Tour

2009-10-19T13:28:00.000-07:00

Today is a beautiful autumn day. It's warmer than it's been and finally there is a stop to the rain we had been getting. Everyone wanted to be outdoors today and I decided there are many days for reading here at Princeton Reading Camp, and today might be a day for a walk in the beautiful sunshine.

Here are a selection of photos from around Princeton. The Liger is in town and so I have taken a few pictures of him around town. Look out for the teeth!

There's no place like home

2009-10-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

My parents came to visit and brought a little bit of home to me. We left Princeton Reading Camp and headed to Baltimore. It was a lot more like home that I could have imagined. A harbour town, that has gone into decline, losing almost all of its industries and so having to reinvent itself as something new. The Inner Harbour area has been developed in the past 15 years or so, and now is a lovely shore side area for shopping and nice restaurants. It is beautiful by night too. Around the harbour itself there are yuppy developments which we walked around. A little like some of the ones in Glasgow or the Docklands in London. It is hard on any town to lose so many of its industries. We visited the Museum of Industry and saw how they had lost newspaper/print industry with the advent of computers, car manufacturing with the advance of imported vehicles, the shipping industry - one of the few left is Domino Sugar, which provides a lot of the sugar for Hersheys Chocolate and Coca-Cola. It had us wondering what people did for employment now. Apparently the biggest employer is the Johns Hopkins Hospital.

My biggest surprise was how happy I was to return to Princeton after being away. My neighbours had left messages on my door and I was quite overwhelmed that anyone noticed I was gone. It seems that Princeton is feeling like home, at least for a while.

Ask and it shall be added unto you....

2009-09-29T06:51:00.000-07:00

So I had a list. A list of things I'd like to make me feel like my little room was more than just a study cell. Only problem was I have no money. I also didn't really want to buy things that I only need for a short time and so I felt I could live without them. But yesterday the final thing on my list arrived.

The most exciting day so far, that led to many spontaneous smiles was the International Student Garage Give Away. Although I was still feeling a bit sick after the dogdy-doesn't-quite-stand-up lamp I thought I need to go myself to get the final few things on my list.

Some kind people collected us from the dorm and took us to the garage give away. There was a policeman directing the traffic. Well a man in a police vest, who I wasn't sure was a policeman until I saw him eating a donut - then I was sure he was real. We were allowed to disembark from the vehicles, but our chauffeur was not allowed to park on the street at all. A lady with a clipboard greeted us and the registration began. We had to fill in a form with who we were and what other events we might be interested in and then we were given a RED sticker with our name and number. The people giving out the labels all had BLUE stickers with their name on. Red for those that are being given to and blue for those that have the power of gifting.

A "do not cross" tape was wrapped around where all the furniture was and we were told that there was strictly no brousing. So we waited by the tape. We were given instructions that we could only have ONE piece of furniture, which we had to WALK and NOT RUN towards after the whistle blew. There were signs "WALK, NO RUNNING" on the trees and people with blue stickers were holding up for us to see.

So we all looked for the one piece of furniture that might be ours to take home. A saw a big sofa, a three seater AND it was a sofabed. But I decided it was too much for me. So I saw a littler sofa. But decided it was more than I really needed too and finally settled on a little 2 seater sofa and thought that would be enough for my seating needs. I decided I could just borrow cushions for visitors to sleep on if I needed to. So the prayer was said. The whistle blew and I walked, not ran, towards the little sofa. At the same time as I got there, a guy from a different direction arrived too. I just held out my hand and touched the sofa, as if I was throwing the red hand of Ulster towards Ireland to claim it as my own. We conversed about who needed it the most and I was calm enough to just say I had visitors coming to stay and I didn't have anything for them. He graciously just said that was fine and went to look for something else. A blue sticker guy came and put a sticker with my number on it and then we moved it to the holding area. I was already overflowing with joy!

I happily skipped around the household stuff, not caring if I got nothing else. I managed to find a duvet, some spare sheets, some tupperware and another desk lamp. I was more than satisfied and walked away delighted with my free stuff. I was gifted a bible and a dvd about Jesus too. Must find out about this Jesus fellow, who organised the garage give away.

So I went back to where my little couch was, I had discovered by now that it was a sofa bed and it really was everything I wanted! And there were three scatter cushions on it too! Wooop WOOP! There in the ground was a little sign saying "Seminary" and I stood by it and then Pete drove up and helped load his truck with all my stuff and we headed back to my dorm. Three fellow students helped move the sofa bed to my room and I say pleased as punch for the rest of the day at the perfectness of it. Just right.

I wake up in the mornings smiling at how lovely it is and how it means people can come and visit and be comfortable. Hooray! The only thing I didn't get was a fridge and I didn't mind because the sofa exceeded every expectation. Then last night when I returned from class there was a little note on Len's door saying a neighbour had a fridge that she didn't need any more. Len, already having a fridge, said it could be mine!! And so in the picture you'll see next to the sofa my little baby fridge.

More than everything I need, I have everything I wanted and more.... Thank you.

New ways of learning

2009-09-22T13:13:00.000-07:00

My first class in Cultural Hermeneutics is being team taught - with a difference. The faculty member who used to team teach has moved to another seminary and so the team teaching continues across an experimental video link. It was quite exciting to feel connected to another group of students learning the same thing and sense the nervousness of the teachers as they tried to figure out how best to communicate without being able to make direct eye contact with each other, or hear everyone without it being processed through the power of those with a microphone.

The technician staff on both campuses were in communicado with each other to "add a little more light" and "turn up the sound", so that we could see and hear the faculty and students in each place more clearly.At one point we lost visual contact and it felt a bit like listening to a radio broadcast, then we lost both sight and sound and nobody knew quite what to do!

It seems fitting when discussing how our space and viewing point of the world affect our understanding, to add differing viewing locations to the material. It will be a point in case to see if the added work of not having personal contact with one half of our teaching team makes us work harder to learn better the viewpoint of "the other".

Same song, different faces...

2009-09-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

It's been a week since I have arrived in Princeton, New Jersey and it's been a really full week. The constant stream of new people have fairly tired me out (and I was tired enough before I came!), so my little space that is my new home for the year has fast become my bolthole.

This is it...I kind of like it.

At times the bare walls seem a bit much, but overall it's quite exciting to have a blank canvas to create something new.

It's been nice to have familiar faces and accents here, it has made it seem like home very quickly - and has alleviated the trauma of being treated like an idiot during International Orientation. I really couldn't believe it when we had a 20 min introduction to using a cashline card. We were given scenarios in which we might use it, like buying some clothes or some books or going out for a meal. (I was thinking any time that money might be spent would have covered it.) At one point I thought I had arrived in hell - which would be where everyone treated you as if you couldn't think at all. AHHHHH. But on the whole everyone is friendly and welcoming, perhaps a little too friendly and welcoming at times!

Much of the worship has been familiar, using world church music the world over makes church feel like church wherever you go. Same song, different faces.

When two paths cross each other for a while...

2009-08-05T04:49:00.000-07:00

I can't tell from this picture whether I am looking forward and from the past and seeing two roads meeting and becoming one, or looking backwards from the future and seeing how paths became separated.

Perhaps it's just tramlines in a field...

What do you think?

Lost places and forgotten roads

2009-07-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

Friday was spent far far away on the east coast of this country. I had arranged to meet a lovely man and wanted to take him to a lovely place, but I had forgotten what it's name was and how to find it. So I never mentioned this lost place and the forgotten road. Instead I went the way of his directions and blindly following an unknown road at his command.

A while into the journey I had a flashback to a place once visited in my childhood, one that I had been thinking of only a couple of days previously and I thought that was the reason for this destination. Then we turned down a road that seemed even more familiar. Suddenly I was no longer lost, but on the road I had forgotten. For he was taking me to that exact place.

Lately there seems to have been a lot of lost places in my life and forgotten roads that cannot be found. It seems like a little glimpse of heaven when you meet someone who knows the way, without you asking how and shows you a secret garden as well, where the roses smell so beautiful in the rain.

Are we living in a war zone?

2009-06-24T09:36:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I look at places that live under oppression and see that through that they somehow use the difficulty to bring out the positive things and beauty grows in the brokenness. This can make me wonder whether we need a common threat before we start to pull together as a community. Yet, here in our very communities we live under the oppression that substance abuse brings and we do not seem to be good at fight back as a community. What does it mean to be a community that comes together to challenge the oppressors? Who are the oppressors in the first place?

What now?

2009-04-04T03:04:00.000-07:00

Last week I was taking a break from the dissertation and so enjoyed a Saturday out and about visiting Connell, Luing, Easdale and Seil. I drove over the Atlantic and went on a tiny ferry. Theo and I sang songs and examined slate and looked at the sparkling sea. (We decided to make a calendar.)

This week the dissertation is finished and I just don't know what to do with myself. Should I go out and about and enjoy the day or start on the mammoth load of tasks that have been accruing during study lock down?

The home straight...

2009-03-25T06:16:00.000-07:00

That last bit of the race. You are well past the halfway mark, and you can hear the crowds cheering you on. The last bit of a race is often the fastest and most comfortable bit of the race. You are in a good stride, the adrenaline has kicked in and from nowhere the energy appears to run faster and stronger and with more grace than you have ever before.

Keeping running. The finish line is in sight.

(Then you can start planning the next race you want to train for.)

For every girl and boy

2009-03-25T04:09:00.001-07:00

For every girl who is tired of acting weak when she is strong,
there is a boy tired of appearing strong when he is vulnerable.
For every boy who is burdened with the constant expectation of knowing everything,
there is a girl tired of people not trusting her intelligence.
For every girl who is tired of being called over-sensitive,
there is a boy who fears to be gentle, to weep.
For every boy for whom competition is the only way to prove his masculinity,
there is a girl who is called unfeminine when she competes.
For every girl who throws out her E-Z-Bake oven,
there is a boy who wishes to find one.
For every boy struggling not to let advertising dictate his desires,
there is a girl facing the ad industry’s attacks on her self-esteem.
For every girl who takes a step toward her liberation,
there is a boy who finds the way to freedom a little easier.

Adapted from a poem by Nancy R. Smith

Warrior of Light

2009-03-04T03:18:00.000-08:00

Paulo Coelho is one of my favourite authors. Here's what he has to say about leadership... I hope it brings some light to you too.

A long time ago, in my unconscious, I changed the word “leader” for the expression “warrior of light”. What is a warrior of light?

Warriors of light keep the spark in their eyes.

They are in the world, are part of other people’s lives, and began their journey without a rucksack and sandals. They are often cowards. They don’t always act right.

Warriors of light suffer over useless things, have some petty attitudes, and at times feel they are incapable of growing. They frequently believe they are unworthy of any blessing or miracle.

Warriors of light are not always sure what they are doing here. Often they stay up all night thinking that their lives have no meaning.

Every warrior of light has felt the fear of joining in battle. Every warrior of light has once lost faith in the future.

Every warrior of light has once trodden a path that was not his. Every warrior of light has once felt that he was not a warrior of light. Every warrior of light has once failed in his spiritual obligations.

That is what makes him a warrior of light; because he has been through all this and has not lost the hope of becoming better than he was.

That is why they are warriors of light. Because they make mistakes. Because they wonder. Because they look for a reason – and they will certainly find one.

Making all things new...

2009-02-25T14:35:00.000-08:00

God has a good habit of making all things new. I take advantage of this all the time. When given a fresh wind to blast out the cobwebs I face it and enjoy the thrill of it all. I'm just back from a week on the east coast of America - it felt a bit like that. January had been full of all kinds of strain and uncertainty and a change was what was needed to give my weary self a rest.

It's funny how traveling far away, but doing the same kinds of things can give you a break from yourself - or perhaps reconnect the broken bits. While I was away I spent time with friends, attended classes and did some photography. All things I would usually do at home. But I was doing these with a sense of purpose. Taking time to soak up what was going on and enjoy the chance to rest when it came my way.

I met old friends, acquaintances from Scotland and made some new friends too. A common interest can really provide a strong connection to someone you just met. When God's your connection - anything can happen (if you let it).

Walking the streets of Princeton I found the space to breathe.
Walking the streets of New York I got excited again.
Walking the streets of Washington I felt at home.
Walking the Mound in Edinburgh I felt ready to be home.

Traveling is like stepping in and out of the wardrobe to Narnia. The other world seems just beyond your reach when you're not actually in it. You miss things when you're not there, but you gain other things. My concept of heaven is that all those places and people are joined up. You don't have to be without something in order to have another. Not a "having it all" in the material sense, but a sense of peace about not being apart from the people you love.

Meeting up with old friends is like a little piece of heaven. When you have those real moments of connection, the brokenness is held with someone else and the scars fade a little. Everything is made new.

January and being thirty

2009-01-28T02:16:00.000-08:00

Keep going. It's January and everyone is wondering if anything will ever change and if this year is going to be the same as all the others or worse. Well I have it on good authority that this is the year for the best so far. So keep going.

Many of my friends are older (much older than me) and having watched many of them go through the trauma that is turning thirty I was interested to see how that would turn out for me. Well I want to tell anyone who is not yet at that wonderful age, that it's awesome! I spent some time considering whether to mark the occasion or let it just slip by and decided it was time to do it in style.

Some of my friends had had parties, some had had wild weekends camping and others just stayed home. I decided I wanted to have as many of the people that I love and that have contributed to me being me all in one place. I decided my house was not that place. I didn't want to worry about how everyone would fit in, or answering the door, or pouring drinks all night, or cleaning up afterwards. I didn't want to have it in a place that would make anyone feel out of place. I wanted everyone to have a fun time. I wanted music. I wanted dancing. I wanted my family. I wanted my friends from near and far.

I got everything I wanted and a whole lot more.

There were a few heartstrings missing, because of prior commitments, but almost every aspect of my life was represented in some way: family, school, Aberdeen Uni, ICC, Strathclyde Uni, Nebraska, New College, Galgael, St Paul's, Govan, Iona Community, Stepps, After8, the Dennistoun Massive, Vestry Mob/Sunday Night Club, Carberry Festival and beyond...

I loved it. People mixed. People danced and they certainly drank. I hope they had a good time. I had the best night of my life so far. Thanks to everyone who helped me celebrate getting this far.

(And if you're reading - you know who you are, thanks for the dance.)

Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T15:13:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving in the USA and tonight we celebrated early. Granted there was no American Football game to watch in the background (Go Huskers!), but it felt just right to be sharing a meal with friends and sharing the things we are thankful for. Sometimes it's difficult to say what we are thankful for because it cuts so deep with us, but that difficulty needs to be endured so that people might know who we really are.

I am thankful for:
the wonderful people in my life
Peppermint Hot Chocolate
laughter (it's like running on the inside - uses those muscles!)
sweet potato souffle - mmmmhmmmm yum
old friends reacquainted
old friends who never went anywhere (at least not far from my heart)
new friends
sunsets
music - that makes memories
the quietness of the early morning
sleep (which I am going to get now)
this list would be longer if it wasn't for the sleep thing....

Banquet...

2008-10-12T09:02:00.000-07:00

So the parable of the banquet... (Luke 14:15-23) All those people were invited, but they came up with all kinds of excuses not to come. "Just got married." "Need to sort out my new oxen." "Just bought some new land and I need to check it over." I suppose these refusals to a banquet are quite ridiculous really!

I can think of lots of excuses myself not to go to places and enjoy myself. I'm too tired. I just want a night in by myself. I won't know anyone. New people might not like me. I'm too old. I'm not smart enough. I don't have the right clothes to wear. There are so many excuses that seem to be reason enough to not become part of a community. But they are ridiculous!

Compared to the worst that might happen, the best is also likely to happen. You might enjoy yourself. You might connect with another human being. It might lead to you throwing a banquet yourself. The walls that you built up, just might not be real. You might actually live life in all its fullness. There might be laughter and later there might be tears to share. I think it is worth accepting the invitation to fullness of life.

Go and say yes, or throw a party yourself and invite some people you might not normally talk to. They just might say yes, and if they say no, they just might be ridiculous!

Trees that will become a boat

2008-10-11T14:56:00.000-07:00

This week there was a great escape to the woods to choose some larch trees, twenty in all, to become a new boat. It was honestly like walking on holy ground to walk around the woods discerning which tree might be best placed to become part of a boat. It's like going to an audition to see who will be selected to be in an orchestra. I wonder how the trees that weren't selected feel.

I have added a photo of one of the trees and a picture of a model boat like the one the tree will become (but a lot bigger...).

Favourites

2008-09-28T15:38:00.001-07:00

Until this week I believed in favourites. Now I'm not so sure. I have been persuaded that favourites don't exist. That instead of thinking that because I enjoyed being around someone a lot that that made them my favourite - what it means is that I enjoy being round them. Favourite would imply that I like them best of all, when I actually like them for being them. So although I love sausages, they wouldn't be any good at trying to be cake. (Although those who tried my sausage cake may disagree...) They are only good at being sausages, and sometimes I want cake. So what's the point of being my favourite food, if on this one particular occasion I want cake? Therefore on the occasion I want cake - sausages being my favourite just wouldn't matter. And although "Mary Poppins" is my "favourite" movie, sometimes I want to watch "Team America". I just like "Mary Poppins" for being what it is - wonderful.

This makes for a whole reassessment of me giving myself a label of favourite. All it really means is that I'm liked differently for being myself. I'm unique - just like everybody else.

Intentionality

2008-09-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

Apparently we can attach too many intentions to some thing that just happened. As a person who likes to notice things and evaluate their meaning this was a good reminder of that some things have no particular meaning attached to them. Meaningless I suppose. An example was given at a recent lecture I attended that shows dogs do it too...

In a house during winter a chunk of snow falls from the roof, the dog barks believing it to be a threat. It was only snow you tell the dog, but the dog knows there was more to it than that.

Cliques

2008-09-28T00:59:00.000-07:00

Now someone said this week that "no one thinks they are in a clique, they just think they are in a group of friends".

So what is a clique? The dictionary says it's "small group of people with a common or shared interest who do not readily allow others to join". But is that really true? Do you know if you have excluded others. If you haven't deliberately set out to exclude others does that make you a clique? What if for safety or sanity you need to be in a clique? What if you have always been on the outside of everything and suddenly you find yourself with something you are preciously in the middle of? Should you get out because others are excluded, or should you hang onto it cause it's helping you to be real? A place where you can actually be the you you usually hide from the world.

Did Jesus and the disciples appear like a clique? I mean only 12 disciples, what if you were pals with one of them before they became a disciple and your pal suddenly has a group of people he does everything with, because it gives him life. Would you be upset that you weren't part of it, or let him go and be where he gains life? Do you feel of less worth because you can see that what they have now means more to them? Does it make you less inclined to have friends at all? Cause if you have friends, maybe you'll be called a clique?

Switzerland

2008-09-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

Ever feel like suddenly you're in free fall mode, but instead of plummeting towards the earth you have discovered you can fly? I am just back from the opportunity of a lifetime. At 4 days notice I accepted the invitation to go to a conference in Switzerland hosted by the World Council of Churches - A Theological Encounter on Israel/Palestine. 65 theologians and church leaders from around the world (and me) talking, discussing, wrestling with new ideas about how to view the Bible with regard to the Promised Land.

I was shocked at the underlying theology of some who believe the illegal occupation in Palestine is the living out of the Promised Land. I struggle to comprehend how the oppression of any people can be the will of God. But there we were a room full of the big brains of theology and I was amazed at what was coming out of their mouths.

It was a real privilege to be sitting alongside those theologians I have been reading all summer and instead of ideas in a book, it was a conversation with another pilgrim on the road. Amazing. Mind-blowing in so many ways.

NYA 2008 - End of Part One

2008-09-15T14:28:00.000-07:00

I have been inspired by some other blogs to write about NYA. Such a lot of stuff happens at NYA. I always find it a place to give and a place to receive. It reminds me of what church should be like all the time. A sanctuary and a light to those that come. As much as for the staff team, as for the delegates.

The theme End of Part One made it seem like changes are afoot. A new chapter is looming. Hints of it were seen throughout the assembly. Highlights for me...

chatting til 5am
the great escape
greeting familiar feet and meeting new ones
a Christmas dance
the bestest recitation of Tam
After Eight being there
magic bars of chocolate and biscuit
moments of realness with people
the grace administrator
anointing by stealth
anam cara
tears
Declaratory Article III
giggles over dinner
Jesus Duncan
Bible shopping
watching Jesus bite people on the bum :)
Team FutureChurch

And so much more... I wonder what would happen if we put NYA into a spaceship and orbited the world for a while? Would the grace filled atmosphere last? I wish I could wax as lyrically as others have about what it really means to me. Maybe it's not ready to come out yet.

Moleskin notebook

2008-09-04T06:06:00.000-07:00

I usually carry a small moleskin notebook. It is full of books to read, ideas for things to do, quotes and thoughts. This is just making my notebook thinking a bit more public and harder for me to lose...